Devotchka Ring in the New Year

The end of this year, 2008, I have spent on the West Coast of the United States.

Starting out in Flagstaff, Arizona with father and family was such a nice feeling. I had no other obligations or responsibilities besides hanging out and enjoying the company of family. I was sick the first few days, so I just kinda vegged, well, I vegged the whole time, but we also got a few fun outings in while I was there.

The day after Christmas we went cross-country skiing at the Nordic Center just outside of Flagstaff. It was challenging and I fell four times, but it was amazing to be in the snow-covered woods, surrounded by massively tall trees. At one point, a light snow began to fall on us, and that was just about the best feeling. Clean air. Blue skies. Quiet. It was peacefulness at its best, except that my little sister Rebecca wore thin socks and couldn't always keep up so she was wailing a good portion of the way. She was a trooper though, and finally a nice worker on his snow-mobile picked her up and brought her to the lodge...by then, she had a smile on her face.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Patty beginning the trail.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Siblings on the trail.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Dad slowly making his way on the trail, s-l-o-w-l-y.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Tommy fooling around on his skis.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Rebecca posing by a fallen tree.

From Cross-Country Skiiing

Incredible winter Aspen, I'm in love with the way they look!

From Cross-Country Skiiing

And on the way home, the sky gave us an incredible gift!

Dad and grandma took me to the Phoenix airport and I headed to Washington State. I was greeted by my aunt Beth late-night at the Seattle-Tacoma airport and we headed out to Issaquah where I have about a two month sojourn before heading back to the land of kimchi, Korea.

As it was late, Beth and I visited for a little while and both headed to bed. We got up on Sunday and had a leisurely day of taking her dog, Hanna, for a walk, going to the grocery store, and generally just lounging around. This is the life. Vacation. Relaxation. Rejuvenation.

Tonight, my aunt Beth and I are heading into Seattle for a night of wine, cheese, and Devotchka. We are going to ring in the New Year with a band I love and am sure my aunt is soon to love. I am excited for dancing and yummy food!

Now on to thankfulness and resolutions...

I am so thankful for this year, that has been 2008. Through this year, I have come to a whole new level of being. I have done so much, learned so much, and have been surrounded by amazing people the whole time through. I had all the food I wanted and more. I have been blessed with work that I love through teaching and being a nanny this year. I was accepted to graduate school and successfully completed my first semester with A-'s in both classes. I lived on two different continents, Asia & North America. At the end of last year, I began a relationship with someone I became very close with. As the year moved along, we experienced our bumps, but also grew closer, this month though, that path changed and we are no longer in communication. Although this kind of transition is difficult, I am so thankful for the time I spent with this person, learning so much about myself, how I relate to others, what is truly important to me, honesty, and lots of fun times. I am reminded of a line from one of Sufjan Stevens songs, "All things go, all things go..." I am giving myself time to heal and really knowing that I am where I need to be and what has and will happen is perfect. Each day, I feel incredibly lucky for the life I lead, so much thanks for 2008, one of the best years of my life thus far.

Now, on to the future, the New Year, 2009. As I am learning to trust in the process of life, I have faith that 2009 will be a year of hard work, more learning, calm, new exploration, love, and discovering new passions.

Resolution #1
Take the time to exercise several times a week, even if I don't want to (I was good about this for most of 2008, but with the dawn of graduate school, I flaked on it a bit).

Resolution #2
Don't take things too seriously...knowing that as I quoted above.."All things go, all things go" and that if I just breathe, this too shall pass.

Resolution #3
Creating community wherever I am. This has been my goal since I can remember and I just want to acknowledge the success I have had in the past building amazing community and welcome it in the coming year, in my new life, my next journey, in Gwangju, Korea.

Resolution #4
Since I am going to have a job at a public school that requires me to wake up earlier than I am used to, I am going to work on being happy waking early, taking the opportunity to cherish the early morning hours and be thankful for the dawn, the sunshine, the quiet morning hours.

Resolution #5
I desire to find some sort of community service that I can do while in Korea. Last time, I found an orphanage which I went to bi-monthly where I was able to spend time with the children and build beautiful relationships that fed not only the hearts of the children, but mine as well. I hope to find something just as heart-filling to do while in Gwangju this coming year.

Resolution #6
Finally, I resolve to open my heart to all that the universe has to offer me, in life, love, and happiness, through the struggles, and tears, into the unknown, always learning, always evolving, like a cocoon into a butterfly, I start this New Year, 2009.

When Your Pedal Breaks, Start Walking

I have become a strong believer in the fact that every single thing that happens can be learned from, that instead of disappointment, anger, sadness, or the feeling of giving up (not to say that these feelings don't roll through you, but the point is that you don't hold on to these emotions, allowing them to control you) if you take that energy and focus it on what can be done now, not what is already done, life becomes a whole lot smoother!

In the past few months, I have experienced more than my share of intense situations that ranged from cutting ties, saying hellos and goodbyes, letting go, missing opportunities, being honest when keeping my mouth shut would have been easier, making strong bonds only to move far away from people I care for deeply, among other things. I can't say it has been easy, but I would not take back one moment, one decision, or one outcome for anything. I have taken these moments as an opportunity to learn, a chance to change my perspective, to soften a bit, to find new ways to relate to myself and others, to really evolve my consciousness to the next level.

I am grateful that day by day, my mind and heart are being opened, constantly challenged and strengthened by each experience I have. I am taking each moment as my teacher and trying to relax into the outcome of each situation, knowing that I will be taken care of beyond my wildest imaginings when I trust and accept the ever present moment. I am beginning to realize that even when my pedal breaks, I can continue on, move forward, I just have to start walking, take a new path, and pause to appreciate the change of plans.

Nature Looking Glass

Although I have visited natural wonders from the time I was a child, they never cease to awe me with the raw beauty and power they hold.

I spent 2 1/2 hours in the car on the way and 2 1/2 hours returning to see the Petrified Forest of Eastern Arizona along with the Painted Desert. Here is a brief description of the area I visited and what happened naturally to create the awe-inspiring scenery I was lucky enough to cast my eyes upon.

"Petrified Forest National Park contains the petrified remains of 225 million year old trees from the Late Triassic. Surrounding the petrified wood are millions of years of deposition, uplift, and erosion, creating the Chinle Formation. This rock formation creates the red hues of the Painted Desert and the blue tones of the Blue Mesa region."

-http://www.nps.gov/pefo/naturescience/naturalfeaturesandecosystems.htm

There is a pull off area where visitors can check out the petroglyphs of old. I found this more than interesting as I have been studying linguistics in my Master's program and this type of early writing was a part of my studies. It is always amazing to see the things I learn about. It somehow makes the learning more tangible, more of a reality.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Long petrified tree laying on its side.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Dad, brother, sister, and I being PETRIFIED in the Petrified Forest.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Petrified wood (I took this picture and later discovered that there is a face on it).

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Arizona landscape, it looks like another planet.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Jumping high in the Petrified Forest.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

The Painted Desert has so many layers of color.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Taking in the view in the Painted Desert.

From Petrified Forest/Painted Desert

Beautiful sunset and a winter tree.

Nature continues to stun me with its beauty. It is not our own, as humans to control, it is there so we can join in the ever-present moment of now, enjoying and learning from all that comes. The natural world has much to teach us, if we only listen, if I only listen. From all that nature gives me, I hope to give back and find some way to reciprocate the relationship I am so lucky to be a part of.

Snowfalling

The days leading up to my departure from Florida were emo, no doubt. They were also very busy. From all of the running around I was doing, the lack of sleep, and the goodbyes, I awoke at Sarah's place on Monday morning feeling sickly and overwhelmed. After making it to breakfast at Lenny's we went to Philippe Park in Clearwater. It was the perfect place to spend my last moments in Florida because something about that place leaves your soul feeling silent-calm-and full of nothingness. I couldn't have asked for a sweeter goodbye as Sarah helped me re-pack my suitcases to fix the weight limit for my luggage on the airport check-in floor, walked me up to the goodbye gate, and gave me a quick hug with only thankfulness in my heart.

A straight-through flight to Phoenix with stuffy nose, blowing it every ten minutes, feeling bad for my seat-mates, and then collected my luggage, and hopped in the car with my dad and sister, who I hadn't seen in twenty-five months. What a homey, lovely feeling.

There was a snow storm coming to Flagstaff so, slowly, but surely, we made our way from Phoenix into the snow, more snow than I have ever seen in my life. We arrived to a winter wonderland of fluffy white snow covering the trees and roof tops of every house. I called it an early night and the next morning, when I awoke, the snow was still falling, the beautiful sun-kissed snow. I spent the day relaxing and watching the snow continue to pile up outdoors. With my first REAL snowfall experience under my belt, I'm loving the winter even more!

From Flagstaff Christmas '08

Tuesday morning snow covering everything.

From Flagstaff Christmas '08

FLA girl in winter wonderland.

From Flagstaff Christmas '08

Sunset over the snow-covered land.

From Flagstaff Christmas '08

Dad, Rebecca, and I in downtown Flagstaff in the snow.

From Flagstaff Christmas '08

Little sista and I keeping warm in the car.

The Color of the End

The color of the end of something sort of fades out, it is not solid, but rather blends from brilliant to hazy. All the memory, emotion, time, dedication, hours spent thinking about, working on, and creating are dust, the remnants of what was. There is something that happens out of the end of something though, newness arises slowly like the dawning of a new day, with glimpses of vibrant shades emerging out of the dust.

The consciousness of one's innermost self is a delicate and complex entity that must be treated so. One thing I have been experiencing is the deepening of my own core. When I go beyond my comfort zone, when I reach farther than I think I know how, a whole new space opens up, one that is mine alone, that can't be touched by influences from the world outside of myself. This is the place I call home no matter where I am. Whether I be among family in my hometown, in a park alone reading myself into my professional future, hiking to the top of small mountains in Korea soaking up the sun, on trains across the European continent, traversing the streets of a city too big to call one city, cooped up in my room, or among friends in a far too smokey bar listening to music that makes my body move. The only way I can explain this place is like an expanding shell that shelters me by enveloping more and more of the world until I can see no difference between myself and anything else. This is a place where compassion overlaps any other feeling in the spectrum of human emotion.

The more I experience, the less I want to judge. When I think something is unfair, hurtful, overwhelming, or simply undesirable, if I give myself time to feel and let go, I am able to see beyond and in this way a softening of myself occurs, allowing me to move forward in an ebb and flow that helps me grow. Sometimes this requires connection with others, but often this is something I seek in the solace of my own company. By deepening my personal bond, I am able to see more clearly and interact with others out of this place of internal stability.

The colors that paint the end of each little era in one's life are reflected in the coming moments of existence. They bridge the gap between the death of things gone by and the birth of new experiences that are falling into place.

End of Year, Beginning of Journey

As, I sit here and write, I am amazed at all I have done in the past two years. All that I have seen, learned, experienced, it is inside of me and I am forever a new girl with each passing moment.

Two years ago I embarked on a journey to South Korea, knowing nothing of what was to come. So much happened, it would be impossible for me to quickly recap it, but basically, I arrived in Yeosu, worked at one school for 6 months, went through a lot with the labor board, got a new job at another academy in Yeosu, lived in a house, my dear friend Christy came to live and work with me, and although there was much in between, I successfully finished my contract and left Yeosu at the end of July 2008.

From there, I traveled to Germany and Denmark, visiting some much missed friends. I flew into New York and stayed in Brooklyn with another set of lovely friends. Finally, I arrived back in St. Petersburg, Florida, on August 24th, 2008. Shortly afterward, I started work as a live-in nanny to a close family friend who has three amazing children. While I was working part-time, I began my first semester of graduate school in an online program with Shenandoah University and so have begun my Master's in Science of Education (TESOL).

I am headed to the West Coast of the United States shortly. I will be visiting dad and family for Christmas which is very exciting. After that, I will be staying with my aunt in Issaquah, Washington until I return to South Korea for my second go round.

There is so much I am thankful for and as the year 2008 ends, so I begin a new journey and with it, a new blog.