April showers turn into May flowers...

April was a trying month for me, to say the least. I was struggling with the fact that my job is not what I wanted or expected it to be. I am learning, time and time again, that I should not expect things from situations, rather go in with an open mind to learn the lessons that I need to learn.

I will briefly describe my issues, but don't want to dwell on them as I am coming to terms with the fact that I am in the perfect place, learning the perfect lessons, if during the times I really feel like I'm in the wrong place. So, I have 3 co-teachers and I rotate from class to class, grade 6 for two weeks, grade 5 for two weeks, and grades 3-4 for two weeks. This means that I see my students 4 times in 6 weeks. I have little to no control over how the classes are conducted and often feel like the methods we use and the material is very ineffectual. Luckily, I do have a special grade 5 class on my own every Wednesday where I am in charge and make the curriculum. This class is fun and the kids seem to really enjoy it. There are only 15 students in this class as opposed to 27-30 students in the regular classes. I also have a grade 3 after school class twice a week with 20 students and I also make the lessons for these classes. This is a good challenge as I have to make the lessons very interactive and exciting to keep the young students' attention. Finally, twice a week I have a small class for teachers that want to have English conversation. I prepare interesting topics and we talk together about them. This is nice as I get a little perspective on the minds of some Korean teachers.

Other than that, I was just generally feeling bummed that I am very busy and don't have much time to explore since Busan is so big and spread out, I often don't have time to commute to see friends or enjoy the sights. With the love, support, and advice of friends and family and A LOT of reflection, I am feeling a lot better in May, than I was in April. In the words of my mother, I am trying to make my time at school and in Busan, "an active mediation" and it is opening my heart and mind to what I need to learn during this time. Being busy is not my favorite thing, but I am learning to make wise use of my time and be as productive as possible in as little time as possible. It is a positive challenge although it is exhausting.

I am so thankful for a sound mind, body, and spirit. I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, including family and friends. I am blessed that I continually learn the lesson that if I open my eyes, my mind, and my heart, my evolution is an amazing process of self discovery and nurturing of others. Life is beautiful and difficult, and amazing, and frustrating all at the same time. I am glad to be over this current hump in the road and know that I am a little bit stronger for the next one to come.